Thailand’s Lost Souls

You know those moments when you wish time would stand still? Since coming to Thailand, I’ve experienced that feeling so many times. Whether it was during long evening walks smelling the flowers Merve loved, being stranded somewhere in a monsoon rain, or riding through the city on a motor taxi I hailed during the evening traffic.

Every day feels a bit the same, yet so different. The other day, Yannis, Adam, and I were talking about why people always come to Thailand to heal. Sure, it’s a bit mystical, a bit exotic, and somewhat far removed from all those Western cultural habits, but why?

Everyone we meet has a story. I said, “If I hear one more breakup story, I’m going to throw up.” Yannis, like Edison with a lightbulb over his head, said, “Fatma, this would make a great article topic for you: Lost souls in Thailand… Travelers searching for their souls.” He spent a long time trying to summarize it with a single headline. Thinking about it, I realized how right he was. Truly, everyone I’ve met has a story that brings them pain, makes them wiser, or allows them to live in the moment. Including me…

These past few challenging years, whenever I felt bad or fell into a void, I tried to heal by remembering my memories here. Maybe now, I’m physically here waiting to heal. In the small hotel I’m staying at, I hear similar stories from different people every day. “I was unhappy with my job, so I quit and hit the road.” “I went through a bad breakup, and finally decided to do this.” “Material things no longer made me happy, so I decided to create a minimalistic life.” For example, no one says, “My damn boss kicked me out, so I had no choice.” Everyone quit their jobs, broke up with their partners; everyone made their own decisions, and those decisions ultimately brought them here. It’s a rather stable narrative. Perhaps everyone hides behind these excuses, whether true or false, to avoid feeling guilty. But can healing happen without acceptance?

Haven’t we been told about the stages of grief all these years? Is grieving only for when we physically lose someone? Don’t we grieve for our lost jobs, our ex-lovers, or our changed lives?

Everyone searching for their soul passes through Chiang Mai. “This place doesn’t tire you out,” Yannis said. On the islands, Phuket, or Bangkok, everything is so fast. Life oscillates between sea, sand, sun, traffic, and parties. But not in Chiang Mai. Everything moves slowly in this city nestled in greenery and steeped in history. You experience silence amidst the noise. It’s safer, everyone can easily create their own personal space. If you don’t want to, you don’t have to meet or talk to anyone. If you do, there can be dozens of people around you ready to embrace and heal with you. Like Martina, you can retreat to a monastery for days if that’s your way of healing. Or, like me, you can surround yourself with all the good souls and create your own little family.

I’m no longer surprised that this city enchanted me when I first came here four years ago. I’m grateful I squeezed this city into my tight schedule and allowed its spirit to seep into me. I now enjoy the city with the same feelings as back then. My days pass both accustomed and still in awe. I love it more each day with the energy created by all these lost souls finding themselves.

Eating, smelling the air, sitting in a small café watching the surroundings, starting timeless conversations – it’s both my favorite routine and my daily surprise.

8 may 2022, Chiang Mai

Thailand

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